literature

Shurima Paradise

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Literature Text

As I stride through the rift to get into my lane
I take note of the teams and begin this campaign
For that's just how it is for an Emperor like me
You know I ascended to the throne through ruthless strategy
Only six minutes in and I have first blood
The sands wash over them like a flash flood
But I've been plannin' and sandin' so long that
Even Renekten thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the sand, my power unmatched
With a staff in my hand, a legion I dispatch
And after I take your petty tower, and construct one of mine
To my gross incandescence my followers will build a shrine.

We've been spending most our lives
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We've all ascended once or twice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We keep peace through human sacrifice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We sure are lacking ice
Living in Shuriman Paradise

We rise from the sands to cull the meek
Those who survive will bow to their Dominique
And for the few who flee to outer lands
We simply bow as we know they face the fury of the sands
Now back from the dead our army shall arise
Demacia and Noxus will soon greet their demise
As we laid at rest for hundreds of years
It's high time they greet their true emperor Azir
They say I first fell due to my unmatchable hubris
But their efforts to stop me have simply proved fruitless
All they really did, was briefly delay
Their requirement to serve and obey

No steam, clockwork, or gunpowder
Not even techmaturgy
Like your ancient Egyptians
We're as primitive as can be

We've been spending most our lives
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We've all ascended once or twice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We keep peace through human sacrifice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We sure are lacking ice
Living in Shuriman Paradise

Praising to the sun, leaving armies but asunder
I raised a legion last night, and next moon I'll raise another
You think you know true power?  You call yourself a leader?
With the power I command, you could say I'm your Caesar!
I'm the alpha the omega, the one true ascended
I was chosen for these powers even though not all went as intended
So don't be vain, and don't be brash
Or else I'll have to get genocidal on Dat Ashe!

We've been spending most our lives
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We've all ascended once or twice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We keep peace through human sacrifice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
We sure are lacking ice
Living in Shuriman Paradise
Obviously a parody of Gangters' Paradise.  I hated the song but it's such an easy tune to parody.
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